15
Dec
13

Puppetmaster (1989)

Sexy puppets! Be careful, she's probably gonna nibble on ya...

Sexy puppets! Be careful, she’s probably gonna nibble on ya…

Some time ago, I committed to watching all of the Puppetmaster movies. I did this not knowing exactly what I was getting into. I had heard that Puppetmaster and its sequels had left something to be desired, but I still pushed forward, insisting this is actually a goal I should pursue. I mean, there are like 11 sequels to the first Puppetmaster, it has to have something going for it, right?

Um, no. Wrong. Dead wrong. Puppetmaster was one of the most boring, disappointing movies I’ve ever seen in my life. The characters are stupid, the plot is thin, the acting is incredibly poor, and considering we have murdering dolls on our hands, the special effects don’t pull their fair share of the weight either. 

I don’t even know if it’s worth summarizing, but since I’m here I’ll do it anyway. Andre Toulon (William Hickey) is an amazing puppeteer who has unleashed an Egyptian spell which brings inanimate objects to life. The Nazis (of course) want this technology and just as they’re beating down Toulon’s hotel door,

Yawn.

Yawn.

he blows his own brains out to avoid being used as a puppet (heh, heh, get it?) by the evil Nazis. 

Fast-forward fifty years. A jerk named Neil Gallagher has also unleashed the same Egyptian spell, staged his own death, and invited a bunch of his psychic friends to the old hotel to kill them, or something, I guess. Whatever. 

I must say I’m still curious to see if these sequels actually offer anything more interesting, exciting or worthwhile than the first film. It’s not unheard of to have a sequel outdo its predecessor, I’m just not sure the folks at Full Moon are where I should be looking for such a thing. Ugh. The worst. 

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