Star Trek into Darkness (2013)

startrekintodarkness“Watch a movie… or be a part of one.” These are the words I was assaulted with as I sat down to watch my first ever IMAX 3D movie, Star Trek into Darkness. The assault continued for the next 132 minutes, after which I left the theater feeling very, very old, saying things like: “they moved so fast, I couldn’t tell what was going on!”, “all they did was fight!”, “I thought Star Trek was about science-fiction!”, etc.

Look, I’m well aware that the last thing the internet needs is another doofus writing up the latest Star Trek movie. I debated a good while whether or not I should contribute to the detritus, and ultimately decided to log it if for no other reason than to have it so I can look back on it years from now and say “wow, I’ve been old a long, long time.”

Anyway, really, I guess Star Trek into Darkness is okay, but it’s not really a Star Trek movie, right? I mean, I’m no Trekkie by any means, but this is just pretty people in goofy costumes beating up other people in goofy costumes. I wanted more aliens, more strange planets, more science-fiction, dammit! Throwing the Trekkies a bone or two during the movie (“KHAAAAAAN”? Really?) doesn’t exactly make it a Star Trek movie, does it? Just because these characters have the same names as others we know, doesn’t make them the same at all. (Obviously I’ve been spending far too much time with Q. No, not that Q.)

And what did they do with my beloved Peter Weller?!

Maybe it’s a little weird that I was so offended by the action-adventure takeover, given that I’m not all that invested in Star Trek in any of its iterations. Perhaps I just went to the theater with the wrong mindset; as I’ve said a few times already here, I was expected a science-fiction movie. This wasn’t a science-fiction movie dudes. It wasn’t! Boo!


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