23
May
13

Bad Channels (1992)

I had to keep reminding myself that the reason why we decided to watch Bad Channels is because it is very tenuously connected to the Dollman and Demonic Toys flicks, movies that we will soon watch every single one of. Considering how bad Bad Channels is, you’d think we’d reconsider our completist vow to watch all things Dollman and Demonic Toys, but you’d be wrong.

Famous veejay Martha Quinn!

Famous veejay Martha Quinn!

Remember Martha Quinn? Okay, okay, you don’t. But what about MTV veejay Martha Quinn? Coming back to you now? Here she plays Lisa, an ambitious news anchor determined to sink her teeth into the next big story, which she believes is the alien that just came out of that flying saucer she saw. Her boss, unfortunately, doesn’t agree, and makes her cover the reopening of a local radio station whose frequency can reach far distances. A gimmicky shock-jock has chained himself to the studio and promises to play nothing but polka until someone comes up with the right combination to unlock him from his chains.

Alien and deejay.

Alien and deejay.

Sound tiresome yet? We’re not even close to done. Shock-jock rigs the contest, frees himself, and starts playing rock and roll. Soon after, the station is invaded by aliens who use its frequency to connect with the minds of righteous young babes who love hair metal and grunge music alike. The aliens use their super alien powers to beam the girls into tiny little glass jars in the studio. Seems that once they get a collection, they’re going to rocket off into space with them.

Smells Like Bad Channels.

Smells Like Bad Channels.

First of all, Martha Quinn is not a very good actress. I found her constant exasperation really, really… exasperating. Second, this movie is just very poorly put together. When the aliens take over the brains of the unfortunate young ladies, the scene just stop dead and the movie turns into a music video. A bad music video. A nineties music video. There are jokes here, and they aren’t funny. The movie touts a soundtrack by Blue Öyster Cult, but I think they only do one or two songs. Perhaps the most exciting thing about this movie is noticing that the “kick 100% of your ass” guy from Fast Times at Ridgemont High is in it.

Unfortunately, "Bad Channels" is not 100% guaranteed.

Unfortunately, “Bad Channels” is not 100% guaranteed.

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