22
May
13

Perfect Creature (2006)

These little baby fangs are probably the coolest thing in the movie.

These little baby fangs are probably the coolest thing in the movie.

I don’t quite know what to say about Perfect Creature. The plot is a bit of a mess. I’m fairly certain this is supposed to be some kind of allegory, but the pieces just don’t make sense together. I’ve thought for a while of a way to describe this film in just one sentence, but I’m not sure it’s possible.

Here we are in some parallel universe. A few hundred years ago, some genetic tinkering created vampires, but these aren’t the kind of vampires you’re used to – no, instead they’re worshipped like gods because their blood heals ailing humans. All vampires are part of The Brotherhood, a sort of genetically-engineered vampire

Just a little love nibble...

Just a little love nibble…

priesthood. Fast forward to present day, where genetic engineering has been outlawed and things look mighty destitute indeed. There’s a lady cop who lost her family to the influenza virus who’s hot on the tail of some strange murders, all done, we soon find out, by a renegade vampire-priest who wants to find the right genetic mutation that will allow vampires to procreate on their own. His brother is pitted against him in the fight to save humanity, or something.

Hannibal Lectery.

Hannibal Lectery.

There is a whole hell of a lot more going on than what I’ve described, but explaining further isn’t going to help my dear readers grasp the meat of this thing, because, well, I watched the whole damn thing and I couldn’t find any meat at all. If I had the chance to ask writer/director Glenn Standring one question, it’d be a very simple “what the hell were you trying to say?” If you’ve got something to say about the church, why not pick a less-muddled way to say it? I can’t figure out for the life of me what this thing is trying to tell me. It looks allright, but there are too many moving parts for it to be effective.

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