10
May
13

Warlock: The Armageddon (1993)

Happy Birthday Mr. Warlock!

Happy Birthday Mr. Warlock!

Warlock: The Armageddon has been on the to-watch list for a while now, which might be embarrassing for a few reasons, but whatever. Now that I’ve finally watched it, well, I’m not sure what there is to say about it. I mean, it’s a Warlock movie. Oh well, here goes.

So, there’s an total lunar eclipse. We all know wacky shit happens during eclipses, yeah? So this time Satan’s son is gonna be born. Within the first five minutes we’re treated to a naked, soaking Julian Sands, our Warlock of the hour. He’s on a quest to collect five magic stones. If he gets his hands on them, all evil will be

Warlock at the circus?

Warlock at the circus?

unleashed and you can kiss the Earth goodbye. Only a group of Druids can save the world from ultimate destruction!

It’s not just any Druids that can fight the evil Warlock, though. Oh no, they must be warriors. Unfortunately, the most learned of the Druids we know are not warriors at all, but their kids sure are. They must be trained up before the evil Warlock makes his way across the country to collect the remaining stones held by the Druids.

Apparently, training to become a Druid warrior is a lot like baseball’s spring training. What better way to teach a young boy how to move objects with his mind than by giving him a baseball? Oh, and did I mention, to become a Druid warrior you

Warriors in the blood rain.

Warriors in the blood rain.

have to die first?

This movie is straight-up dumb. But it’s dumb in that delightful way that will entertain you for its entire running time. It’s so goofy, there’s no hope of taking anything here seriously. Some of the special effects are decent, too. And, well, there’s Julian Sands. Certainly not an exceptional film by any means, but if you happened upon this on cable one day, I’d recommend you leave it on. Why not?

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