26
Mar
13

The Thirsty Dead (1974)

Pastels. Yeah.

Pastels. Yeah.

Once again, Netflix reminds me that not all movies I watch are gonna be winners. Even with a title as great as The Thirsty Dead, a movie can still disappoint. Now, I want to be clear – I have seen, much, much, much worse than this – at least this movie was watchable, unlike so many other horror gambles I’ve made. There’s even some cool stuff to be seen.

Young women are being kidnapped off the streets of Manila left and right. Tall ones, short ones, blonde ones, brunettes, Americans, locals, you name it. The radio seems to think it’s some sort of slavery ring, which, in one of the film’s most bizarre turns, would suit sexy go-go dancer Claire

Baru. I mean, Larry, is that you?

Baru. I mean, Larry, is that you?

just fine. The other ladies stuck with Claire, especially Laura (who is supposed to be the best looking of the group, but I beg to differ) don’t seem to agree.

The women are whisked away to what looks a lot like an island paradise by burly men wearing nothing but loincloths. Maybe Claire’s onto something? Maybe not. Turns out these people aren’t just your normal folks, they’re blood-sucking, age-feeding vampires who drain the blood of young women, mix it with some potion and drink it to maintain their youth. The leader, Baru (who looks a hell of a lot like Larry from Three’s Company, wouldn’t you say?) believes that Laura has a psychic connection

GOD CUBE!

GOD CUBE!

with him because he dreamt up a vision of her and made a painting out of it before they met. Baru wants Laura to join their cult, but she’s all like “no way” and wants to escape.

Allright, so, I dig the costumes (how can I get my hands on Ranu’s dress?). I dig the guy’s head in a red cube (is that Jell-O?) acting as some sort of god. But I’m not sure there’s much else to dig, here. The end sort of plods along, repeating the same set of events over and over again until, finally, we’re all released from its grip (honestly, it never had much of a grip to begin with). Never watch this. I’m fairly confident the pictures included in this post are all that is interesting about this movie.

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