25
Feb
13

V/H/S (2012)

vhsposterIt’s been a slow month for Schlock Wave, and I blame the cull* for this; it’s just too darn hard to watch questionable movies all month long. So in hopes of jump-starting my movie mojo we decided to watch a non-cull movie: the much-recommended V/H/S.

So, there’s a bunch of jerks who make money videotaping  themselves attacking and exposing women’s breasts. The jerks think they can make even more money if they start filming up the skirt. Apparently, though, the mother-lode lies in an old man’s house – all they need to do is break in, get a tape, and leave. Sounds easy, right? But when the jerks get there, they find hundreds of unmarked videotapes. Which one is the right one? One jerk starts watching them, and we watch with him: six different “found footage” tapes, all depicting various types of horrors.

Basically, this is a collection of shorts. Now, I’m not usually one to complain about the shaky camera illness, but I was nauseated for the first half of this film – so much so that I actually had to take a break. So anyone that couldn’t handle Blair Witch or Cloverfield beware. The shorts are hit-or-miss, and I spent a lot of time trying to figure out, once the film was over, what the unifying message behind them was, if there was one at all.

Most of the shorts involve douchebag college kids doing douchey things to people. Even the guys that aren’t douches are still pretty unlikable. So I thought: well, perhaps this is one of those be-nice-or-else-look-what-will-happen-to-you messages. But this works with only a few of the stories, and totally breaks when we see the douchebags actually try to do the right thing, only to pay for it later. The one thing most of the films seem to have in common is that they’re more interested in depicting violence rather than what the violence actually means.

I must conclude that there is no cohesion here; these stories are all just hanging out there, and although it seems to have been a collaborative effort, I wonder if there was any communication between the directors of the different segments before they put the thing together. This movie’s all right if you’ve got some time to kill, but ultimately perplexing in its choices and frustrating to watch.

*Q and I have decided it’s time for a great cull; an early spring cleaning. We have a large number of movies we have not yet seen. Are these movies any good? This is the question we are out to answer. If it’s no good, out it goes.

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