09
Feb
13

Death Machine (1994)

The cull* strikes again, and the great year of 1994 has brought to the table Death Machine. Let’s just say, before this movie, I liked Brad Dourif.

deathmachineposterSome of the movies I watch, I watch with very, very low expectations. And some of the time, I am very pleasantly surprised to find they are self-aware, smart films with a sense of humor (I’m thinking Syngenor, here). Most of the time, however, the crap expectation is fulfilled, and I find myself struggling to finish a shit film. This is exactly the case with Death Machine.

Giant company makes unstoppable soldiers. Unstoppable soldiers easily go haywire. New boss of company does not know the secrets of the death machines. Brilliant scientist/hacker (Dourif) has crush on new boss of company and kills people to get closer to her and the power they could wield together. Humanist Alliance hackers want to blow the whole thing to shit.

Actually, the plot doesn’t sound all that bad, right? But it is just boring, boring, boring. Brad Dourif’s take on hackers is laughable and exhausting, but I know it’s not entirely his fault: at least the costume designer is partly to blame as well.

Who knew Dourif did such a great Tommy Wiseau? (Thanks, Q.)

Who knew Dourif did such a great Tommy Wiseau? (Thanks, Q.)

This is another one of those movies that I don’t think anyone should ever have to waste their time on ever. The jokes fall flat and the attempts at “suspense” are laughable. I suppose the Venus-fly-trap robots look kind of allright, but that’s hardly enough to keep me fueled for 99 minutes. Ugh. So excited to throw this in the out pile.

*Q and I have decided it’s time for a great cull; an early spring cleaning. We have a large number of movies we have not yet seen. Are these movies any good? This is the question we are out to answer. If it’s no good, out it goes.

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