Two on a Guillotine (1965)

Cesar Romero as the GREAT Duke Duquesne!

Cesar Romero as the GREAT Duke Duquesne!

Though we’re only five films in, the cull* has taught us a lot so far:

  • All post-apocalyptic movies are not created equal.
  • A robot isn’t always just a robot.
  • Just because it “stars” Cesar Romero doesn’t mean it’s worth your time.
  • Being a woman in the 1960’s must have been exhausting.

You can thank our latest selection, Two on a Guillotine, for the wisdom written in the last two bullet points. Romero plays “Duke” Duquesne, a famous magician with a wonderful family. Once a guillotine enters his magic act, his wife mysteriously disappears and Duke sends his infant daughter Cassie to live with a distant Aunt.

Father and daughter are not reunited until the Duke’s funeral. Though Cassie had no relationship with her father, he leaves her his entire estate in his will, shunning his loyal servants Buzzy & Dolly, who have been in his employ for decades. There is, of course, one stipulation to Cassie’s inheritance: she only gets the money if she can spend

Cassie and the cursed guillotine.

Cassie and the cursed guillotine.

seven nights in his house of horrors! Cassie presses through the onslaught of inconsiderate news reporters and heads over to her father’s house.

One of those news reporters, Val Henderson, shows up at the house. Cassie does not recognize him, but still disregards him – until he catches her in a fright over one of her father’s practical jokes. See, the house of horrors is riddled with booby-traps. How can such a fragile young flower like Cassie get through a seven-night ordeal like this on her own?

This movie was totally exhausting right from the beginning. The collective sighs were in the double-digits just 10 minutes into the movie. It’s a shame, too – by the time the end finally rolled around things got interesting. Q and I both agree this movie could stand a remake – and in the present day, please, so we don’t have to deal with this damsel-in-distress bullshit! This one is in the ‘out’ pile!

*Q and I have decided it’s time for a great cull; an early spring cleaning. We have a large number of movies we have not yet seen. Are these movies any good? This is the question we are out to answer. If it’s no good, out it goes.

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