Firewalker (1986)

FirewalkerPosterSome movies belong on the cull* list even before you own them. It is no surprise that Firewalker, a Chuck Norris/Louis Gossett Jr. vehicle from 1986 is such a movie.  I thought a crappy, family-friendly 80’s action flick wouldn’t break 90 minutes, doing minimal harm.  Unfortunately it clocks in at a horrifying 109, and we suffered through every minute of it.

This is actually much more of a buddy comedy than an action film. Max (Norris) and Leo (Gossett Jr.) are fortune seekers: wanted all over the globe by various baddies of different colors, they’ve narrowly escaped with their lives time and again, but have no fortune to show for it. Leo says he’s going to give it up and live the straight life, but when Melody, a pretty blonde with a map and a quest, walks into their lives, the two man-children are tempted once again.

The three set off on an adventure looking for a trove of gold in a cave somewhere between Arizona and Mexico. Along the way we meet all

"The Red Cyclops" reading comics.

“The Red Cyclops” reading comics.

kind of stereotypical natives, including the mysterious “Red Cyclops” – a Native American with an eye patch. Yes. Seriously. If you’ve seen Walker: Texas Ranger you know Norris isn’t afraid of Native American stereotypes, so this is familiar territory.

To be truthful, the movie is not the worst thing I’ve ever seen; it doesn’t bring anything that remarkable to the table. It’s just sort of there for nearly two hours. It has no place in our “video library” and so out it goes. Sorry, Mr. Norris.

*Q and I have decided it’s time for a great cull; an early spring cleaning. We have a large number of movies we have not yet seen. Are these movies any good? This is the question we are out to answer. If it’s no good, out it goes.


1 Response to “Firewalker (1986)”

  1. 1 ladyfaceladyface
    February 2, 2013 at 6:23 am

    Too bad – that cover design rules.

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