Frankenstein Sings (1995)

Certain films really bring to light how terribly depressing it must be to live life as a second-rate actor. Frankenstein Sings (or Monster Mash: the Movie) is just such a film. I think this one can be categorized as unbelievably bad.

Based on the 1967 musical I’m Sorry the Bridge is Out, You’ll Have to Spend the Night (which I’m told is source material for The

Dr. Frankenstein and his monster (probably the character with the most depth).

Rocky Horror Picture Show) this piece of crap film totally, absolutely and completely misses the mark. A young couple on their way to a Halloween party end up at Frankenstein’s mansion after their car breaks down. Also living in the mansion are Dracula and his wife, the Wolfman and his mother (played by Mink Stole), a mummy version of Elvis and his agent (played by Jimmie Walker… oh poor, poor Jimmie Walker), and of course, Dr. Frankenstein’s assistant Igor (John Kassir, a.k.a. The Cryptkeeper). Everyone wants a piece of the virgin Mary (Candace Cameron), while Dr. Frankenstein is much more concerned with her boyfriend’s brain.

I’ve never been one for musicals, but honestly the musical numbers aren’t even the worst part of this film. Is it the fact that whoever wrote it must’ve just learned what a pun was the day before? Is it all the terribly dated references to 90’s pop-culture (Soon-Yi, the Flowbee, and many forgettable others)? Whatever it is, I must say this is a terrible way to start off October’s 31 Days of Horror. Terrible. Just terrible.


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