19
Aug
12

Horror Express (1972)

Peter Cushing. Christopher Lee. Telly Savalas? Add a title like Horror Express and you’ve got what you’d think would be a great movie. Unfortunately, you’d be wrong.

Lee plays an English anthropologist, attempting to get a seat for him and his precious cargo, a fossil of a man-ape (the missing link, how cute) onto a train out of China. Cushing plays a doctor that pays for his ticket. Savalas plays… um, well, I’m still not clear… some kind of Russian military cop drunk on vodka and power? Whatever.

So the man-ape is not a fossil, he is in fact still alive, and when he looks into your eyes, he takes

The mad monk gets… whatever.

away all your memories. Your brain becomes “smooth as a baby’s bottom” and your eyes turn all white. Later on, the man-ape will turn you into a zombie. Yes, even you, Rasputinesque-monk-on-train.

Of course, I’m leaving out some details, but I feel so little towards this movie that it’s hard for me to even muster enough words to write a post about it. I’m not sure if it was the poor quality of the picture, or whether this movie actually made no sense and had nothing to offer. Either way, I can’t imagine ever recommending this to anyone under any sun anywhere ever.

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